Everything You Are
by lexidavis23
Summary: Maya Hart has ignored her feelings towards Josh for almost a year. But when the entire school is put on lock down due to a raging snow storm, Maya is forced to face her fears and talk to her ex boyfriend.


Everything You Are

A Joshaya Fanfiction

"We need to break up." Maya rushed out the words like they left a bad taste in her mouth.

"Babe, what are you talking about?" panic rose in Josh's voice.

Josh and Maya had been dating seriously for almost 8 months now. They were only 16, sophomores in high school, but they were 2 old souls. They seemed perfect for eachother. They both loved being mischievous, they both had the same taste in music, and they both seemed so in tune to each other… up until that moment, of course.

"I said… we need to break up." Maya repeated, finding it wasn't easier to say it a second time.

"What's wrong? Did I do something to offend you?" Josh started rambling off questions.

"No." Maya mumbled quietly, refusing to make eye contact with Josh.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No, it's not you…"

"Maya, don't you dare pull the 'it's not you it's me card." Josh's voice intensified.

"Would you take it down a notch? We're in public, people are looking." Maya said, finally looking up.

"I don't care! Tell me what's going on!"

"It's just what's best." Maya looked down into her cup of coffee.

"What's _best_? For who? For _me_?" Josh was so hopelessly sad and so endlessly frustrated at the same time.

"For both of us."

"Just give me one reason." Josh paused, grabbing Maya's hand from across the table, "one legit reason, and that's it."

"Because everything ends at some point." Maya stood up leaving Josh alone, confused, and broken.

"Cab!" Maya called through tears standing on the street outside Starbucks in the pouring rain.

She just needed to get out of there, she couldn't breathe. Her gut felt like that feeling you get when you're talking about something really important to you, but then you realize that no one is listening. A billion thoughts were running around in her mind, driving her to insanity. She almost screamed, "Shut up!" to herself, but the sound of a cab pulling to the curb stopped her.

"Maya wait!" Josh called after her.

But it was too late. The door slammed and the tires drove through the rain puddles.

 _ **1 year later**_

Maya woke up to the annoying buzz of her alarm clock. She laid in the warmth of her bed for a few moments longer before checking her friend's groupchat.

 **Lucas: We still on for dinner tonight?**

 **Riley: Yep! :)**

 **Farkle: yes yes ye syes yes eesys**

 _Crap_. Maya had completely forgot tonight's plans. She promised her best friend, Riley, she would go even though she could think of a billion things she would rather do. But, she knew Riley built things up to be more than they were and that she really needed Maya to be there.

Maya checked the time and decided to start getting ready for the day.

"7:00! Let's go Riles!" Maya called opening the door to Riley's apartment.

"Actually… it's only 6:52," Topanga, Riley's mom said, "come sit down, I made you breakfast too."

Maya took her usual spot on the Matthews' family table and started eating her pancakes.

"So, did you girls hear about the storm warnings?" Cory, Riley's dad, asked while stuffing his face.

"Cory! Don't scare Auggie!" Topanga warned.

"It won't scare me!" Auggie whined.

"I don't know if you can take it Auggie." Maya said.

"Yes I can! I'm almost 9 now!"

"Alright… there is a _huge_ storm coming our way. Heard that it's the biggest storm New York has ever seen. Better kiss Ava goodbye, you won't be seeing her for a while," Maya teased, "or forever…" she said in a whisper.

"C'mon! Don't do that to him." Riley nudged Maya.

"Aww, he's fine!" Maya justified.

"Is that true, mom?" Auggie's eyes widened.

"No of course not sweetie." Topanga tried to comfort her son.

"Alright let's go." Riley said grabbing her bag by the door.

"Love you!" Topanga and Cory shouted in unision.

"Love you too!" Maya and Riley shouted back before shutting the door behind them.

"So, is the storm really supposed to be that bad?" Riley asked nervously.

"Nah… It's just a snowstorm, how bad could it be?" Maya put her arm around her best friend and smiled.

"Attention all John Quincy Adam High Schools students, I'm sure that you have all heard the storm warnings. School will still continue as a normal day, we will not let this storm disrupt our educations. That is all, have a good day." The principal announced over the intercom during first period.

"This seems really bad… my phone keeps alerting me to stay inside until the storm passes." Riley showed her phone to Maya.

"Riley, calm down! If it wasn't safe for us to be here, we wouldn't be here. Don't worry so much." Maya tried to reassure her.

Honestly, Maya was just as scared as Riley. But, Maya was always the strong one. She always needed to protect Riley, that was her job, technically.

Maya's train of thought was interrupted by Riley repeatedly slapping her thigh.

"Maya, Maya, Maya…"

"What?" Maya asked right as she realized what all the hype was for, Lucas had walked in the room.

Riley had been head over heels for Lucas since the day they made eye contact in 6th grade. Maya could remember multiple times where they totally followed Lucas walking around Walmart until he noticed, and they had to play it cool like they didn't even see him. To be honest, Maya never really saw why Riley was into Lucas. But, she would never tell Riley that. Maya never wanted Riley to feel bad about liking who she liked, unless it was bad for her. But, it wasn't bad for her, Lucas was a perfectly polite gentlemen.

"Hi Lucas!" Riley said a little too excitedly.

"Hey Riley." Lucas smiled back before taking a seat in class.

Yep, this was the drill every day in homeroom. It never changed, it was always a "Hi" from Riley and a "Hey" from Lucas. Maya couldn't take it anymore, if Riley wanted to be with Lucas then she needed to _at least_ start a conversation past their stupid greetings. Maya started talking to Lucas and hoped that Riley would take a hint and join in.

"So, Lucas… pretty crazy about all the storm warnings right?"

Riley almost looked upset that Maya was talking to Lucas. She obviously didn't realize that this was Maya actually helping her, until Maya nodded her head and raised her eyebrows at Riley.

"Yeah!" Riley finally clued in, "I hope it's not too bad."

"What storm warnings?" Lucas walked in late, he probably hadn't heard the announcements.

"Oh! I guess there is a crazy snow storm coming in…" Riley started talking to Lucas.

As the conversation kept going Maya turned her back away, _mission accomplished_.

Maya took her seat in art class, her favorite class. Maya loved to draw, paint, sketch, anything really that allowed her to take her mind off of her life and focus on something else. Maya's mind wandered as she laid out all her drawing utensils. Maya never liked to plan exactly what she was going to create, she just let it happen. But she did have one idea pop into her head as inspiration, she wanted to draw something for Riley.

"Everyone, let's begin!" Maya's art teacher, Ms. Kossal, said quieting down the class.

Maya always listened to Ms. Kossal, she was the one who always pushed Maya to continue with her art, even when times got rough and she felt like her inspiration was gone.

"Since it's Friday, today is going to be your free class. Paint, draw, use chalk, I don't care, just use your time wisely. We will be sharing our art 10 minutes before class is over. You have 50 minutes, begin."

Maya held her pencil firmly and began sketching the Eiffel Tower, Riley's dream destination since 6th grade when she watched _Funny Face_ with Audrey Hepburn. She tilted her head slightly looking at the smooth lines she had just created until she heard the door swing open.

"Is this Ms. Kossal's class?" The boy asked.

Maya chest felt heavy as her heart starting beating. Maya shut her eyes quickly, hoping that when she opened them, the boy would be gone. She slowly opened her eyes. But he was still there, Josh Matthews.

"Yes! Are you now in this class?" Ms. Kossal asked looking up.

" _Please say no. Please say you're just here to take a kid out of class. Say anything but yes."_ Maya thought to herself.

"Yeah! Where should I sit?"

 _Shit._ This completely ruined everything for Maya. Art class was her relief, her time for herself and her creativity. She didn't need her ex-boyfriend in here messing it all up.

"Take a seat wherever and begin drawing. We share our art in about 45 minutes." Ms. Kossal smiled at Josh kindly.

Josh quickly looked around until he saw an empty seat. Maya saw he was headed to the chair next to Maya, so she quickly grabbed her bag from under her chair and placed it to the empty chair to her left.

"Is this seat saved or something?" Josh laughed, noticing how obviously she didn't want him to sit by her.

"Umm… yeah. Yep it is. It's saved for Ashley, she must be late or something." Maya came up with an excuse.

"I'm right here." Ashley called from a few seats down.

"Oh," Maya smiled nervously, removing her bag from the chair, "nevermind."

Josh took a seat as Maya rolled her eyes at her lame attempt to get him away from her. The last time she spoke to Josh, was their break up. It was a little over a year ago but Maya still felt the sting of crying every time she saw him.

Maya tried to focus on her drawing for Riley, but she just couldn't. Every time Josh moved his arm, Maya slightly flinched. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop herself from peeking over at Josh's painting several times. He was amazing, she had almost forgot about his talent with a paint brush. All his paintings were abstract, but they all had a meaning behind them. Maya used to could understand the secrets of his work, but they had grown very different in just a year. Now, looking at his painting, she couldn't even tell if it was a happy piece or an angry piece.

"You like it?" Josh asked her, noticing her looking at his painting often.

"What?" Maya asked, trying to play it off like she wasn't even paying attention to him.

"Do you like my painting? You keep looking over at it."

"No I wasn't. I was looking at the clock on the wall."

"Alright." Josh laughed because it was so clear that she was lying.

"5 more minutes!" Ms. Kossal's voice shouted from her desk in the front of the room.

What? 5 minutes? Maya looked back at her drawing. She hadn' t drawn anything since Josh walked into the room. All she had on her paper was a light outline of a crooked Eiffel Tower. Maya shook her head and picked up her pencil again to try to hurry and finish the picture. Just as she began to trace the curves of the tower Josh got up from his chair and stood behind her.

"What are you doing?" Maya asked annoyed.

"Just watching."

"Well don't. I'm trying to finish this and I don't need distractions."

"Ohhh… That's what I am? A distraction?" Josh smirked as he reached down and tickled her side.

Maya's pencil sharply drew a line on the paper from her reaction to him tickling her. She smiled and laughed until she realized what was going on. No, she couldn't do this. She couldn't flirt with Josh, it would just fuel the fire. Her laughing stopped as quickly as it had started.

"Stop it!" Maya said a little too loudly, causing a few kids to look at them.

"Is there a problem?" Ms. Kossal asked looking at Josh and Maya.

"No." They said at the same time.

Josh took a seat again but turned his chair towards Maya.

"I said stop it." Maya whispered this time.

"I'm not doing anything!"

"Yes you are. You keep looking at me." Maya whined.

"You're just so beautiful."

Maya was _not_ expecting him to say that. She could feel all her feelings for Josh start rushing in like water when a dam breaks. _This isn't good_ , she thought to herself. She ended things with Josh for a reason. She can't just let her guard down because of one stupid compliment.

"Thanks." Maya mumbled and looked back at her piece of shit drawing.

All she had drawn was a light outline of the Eiffel Tower and a jagged line from when Josh tickled her. Great.

"Okay, time's up! Everyone turn your easel around. And, let's start with our new student, Josh! What did you come up with?" Ms. Kossal asked from the middle of the room.

Josh stepped aside and displayed his painting without saying a word.

"What do you call this?" Ms. Kossal asked.

"Amorousness. It means inclined or disposed to love." Josh said looking right at Maya.

"Well it's a lovely piece. Thank you Josh." Ms. Kossal really liked his work, Maya could tell.

"Maya, what is… that?" Ms. Kossal was confused.

Usually Maya was the queen of art class. 90% of the time, her drawing was the best and everyone envied her. Not today.

"Uh, it's not finished yet." Maya said quickly.

"I hope not." Ms. Kossal said.

Even though Ms. Kossal was her favorite teacher, she could still be pretty shady sometimes.

"He just came up and tickled you?" Riley asked after Maya told her about Josh switching into her art class.

"Yeah! He acted like we were best friends or something." Maya explained.

"He probably still likes you." Riley said reaching onto Maya's plate and grabbing a french fry.

Maya and Riley always ate lunch together. They usually would go out to eat but the administration made every student stay at school for lunch because of the snow storm.

"I still can't get over the fact that you dated my uncle." Riley laughed.

Josh, in fact, was Riley's uncle. But he was only a few months older. Maya first met him in 8th grade, a few years later they were inseparable. Until they broke up anyways.

"He is technically your uncle, but he acts more like a cousin."

"So what did you say after he called you beautiful?" Riley asked.

"I just said thanks." Maya shrugged.

"Well, do you like him again?"

"No." Maya lied.

She never stopped liking him. There was never even a day in the past year that she stopped liking him. Even when she was kissing other boys at parties, it was all in attempts to stop thinking about Josh.

"Ladies…" Farkle sat down by the 2 girls.

"Farkle…" They said making room for him.

Farkle was another one of Maya's best friends. He was a little nerdy and a total know it all but Maya still loved him, most of the time. Farkle had always trusted Maya to keep a secret. And his secret was, that he loved Riley. Big time. He was completely infatuated with her. Farkle liked to think that his crush was lowkey, but it wasn't. It was pretty obvious to everyone in the whole school except Riley, since she was so naive and didn't know what flirting even meant.

"I got you this, Riley." Farkle smiled and held up a Snickers bar, Riley's favorite candy bar.

"Thanks Farkle!" Riley smiled.

Farkle was always doing things like this for Riley. It happened so often, Riley kind of took advantage of it and forgot how sweet the gesture really was.

"Are you excited for dinner tonight?" Farkle asked the girls.

"If we can even go. The snow is pretty bad." Maya said shrugging.

"It will clear up." Riley said assuring Farkle. Or was she assuring herself?

"Have you looked out a window in the past hour?" Maya laughed.

"It's only like 12:30, dinner isn't for another…" Riley started but was interrupted by Farkle.

"6 hours 10 minutes and 34 seconds."

"Okay... " Riley tried to change the subject, "So is Josh going to sit by you everyday?"

"God I hope not." Maya rolled her eyes.

But secretly, in a weird way, she kind of hoped he did.

"Wait, _Josh_ , Josh? Like as in _Maya's Josh_ , Josh?" Farkle butted in, trying to get involved in the story as well.

"Yes…" Maya and Riley said at the same time.

"Oooooh," Farkle got excited, he loved to gossip, "What happened with Josh?"

"Nothing. He just switched into my art class and now I want to kill myself."

"Nobody is stopping you." Farkle smirked.

"Rude!" Maya said throwing a french fry at him.

"I'm kidding!" Farkle said blocking his face from Maya's attack.

"Well, I think that you should get back together with Josh." Riley advised.

"Name one reason why that would be a good idea." Maya raised her eyebrows.

"Because you are blonde and he is brunette and that is cute and you guys look cute together." Riley smiled brightly.

Maya tried to roll her eyes but she couldn't, her best friend was too cute to be annoyed at.

"C'mon, that was the bell, let's go to History." Maya finished the discussion.

3rd period could not have lasted longer. Maya could not get her mind off of Josh. She missed him, a lot. She wondered if they could ever be just friends. But Maya knew they had too much of a connection to be "just friends". They looked at each other a little too long to be "just friends".

"Maya, you good?" Lucas asked dragging Maya out of her thoughts.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine." Maya brushed it off.

"You just seem a little, distracted."

"Just got a lot on my mind." Maya said honestly.

It was probably one of the truest things she had ever said. She really did have a lot on her mind. She had memories of Josh flooding one side of her brain, and made up fantasies about Josh flooding in on the other. She dreamed of her and Josh actually making it work, going on vacations together or doing simple things like getting ice cream. But Maya's fear of getting left made it so she couldn't let herself get attached to things, especially people. Riley was the only constant in her life, the only person she could fully commit to, her home.

"Well, can I ask you a question?" Lucas said in almost a whisper even though their teacher was clear across the room at her desk.

"Go for it." Maya turned to face him.

"Does Riley, _like_ like me?" Lucas asked innocently, looking at Maya shyly.

Maya couldn't help but giggle at the stupid question.

"Maya? What's so funny?" The teacher called her out from the front of the room.

"Just ole Lucas here being himself." Maya smiled to the class.

She was never one to be nervous in front of an audience. In this case, her audience being her AP History class and her teacher Mrs. Robins who Maya knew secretly loved her.

Mrs. Robins tried to hide her smile and put on a strict front, "Just save it for after class."

"You got it." Maya said back pointing her fingers to Mrs. Robins.

Maya tried to focus back on the assignment but was distracted by her phone vibrating in her dress pocket.

 **Lucas: ?**

Maya looked at him and rolled her eyes. She was slightly annoyed at how impatient he was being.

 **Maya: chill omg**

 **Lucas: Just answer the question!**

 **Maya: i have a question for you actually, how old are you? "does riley like like me?" this isn't 6th grade anymore lol**

 **Lucas: Okay sorry? I just wanted to know before I put myself out there tonight and try to kiss her.**

Maya looked up from under her desk where she was hiding her phone and looked at Josh.

"Do it." Maya mouthed to him.

Lucas smiled to himself and went back to texting.

 **Lucas: So is that a yes?**

 **Maya: yes!**

Maya felt a little guilty for exposing Riley's crush but she knew in a few hours, Riley would be so happy she wouldn't even care. That is, if they even got to go on their date tonight. The storm kept getting worse and worse. Announcements were made every 30 minutes to keep the students and teachers updated. And right on time, at 1:30, the principal came over the intercom.

"Attention students, we have just been alerted that this school must be put on lockdown."

The classroom erupted in various noises from the students, groans, sounds of excitement, and that one kid in the front that sushes everybody else.

"I know that this is upsetting news and may cause a lot of stress for some. But, we want to handle this situation in the safest way that we can. Please walk to your 4th period class, calmly, and stay there for further instructions."

Maya sighed in relief when she realized that Riley was in her next class. If she had to be stuck in the school at least she would have Riley stuck there with her. She stood up, grabbed her bag from behind her chair, and headed out to meet Riley at their lockers like they always did every day before 4th period started.

"This storm better clear up fast." Maya sighed and rested her head on the table.

Riley and Maya had study hall as their last class of the day. Which was the greatest thing they could of ever dreamed of. Most of the time they ditched and left school early to watch a movie together or go shopping. But they knew they had no chance of getting out of the school today.

"Why do you seem so anxious about the storm? You couldn't of cared less this morning." Riley stated.

"I just don't want to be trapped here with all these annoying kids." Maya lied.

She was really just excited to see if Lucas would really kiss Riley tonight. Riley would be the happiest girl in the world and Maya loved to see Riley happy. It took all Maya had in her not to tell Riley about her texts with Lucas.

"Yeah that's true. I just feel bad for Lucas. He's stuck with Farkle." Riley laughed.

"Okay that was rude…" Maya said back.

Farkle was her second best friend, she would stand up for him til death. Why was Riley being so mean to Farkle when all he ever did was worship the ground she walked on?

"What?" Riley was confused, "You don't think Farkle is a little, I don't know, _extra_ sometimes?"

"Yes. He's Farkle, of course he's extra."

"I just meant I would be super annoyed if I was stuck in a class with him, that's all."

"Are you kidding? He would do anything to be stuck in a class with you." Maya felt offended even though it wasn't her that Riley was insulting.

"Since when were you so worried about Farkle's feelings?"

"Since _forever_. Since when did you stop worrying about Farkle's feelings. Don't you realize how in love with you he is?" Maya snapped.

 _Shit._

"What?" Riley raised her eyebrows.

"I didn't mean it like that." Maya quickly added trying to cover up the fact that she just ruined Farkle's non existent love life.

"Yes you did. When you talk fast you mean everything you say." Riley knew Maya too well.

"Riley, you can't act different around him now that you know. He'll totally know that I told you. Please don't tell him that you know!" This was one of the few times Maya ever begged for something.

"Farkle is _in love_ with me?"

"I don't know if it's really love per say… he just really REALLY likes you and you weren't supposed to know and now you do and now he's gonna kill me." Here she was talking fast again.

"I won't say anything. I promise." Riley was still in shock.

Riley couldn't get over how stupid she was. Of course Farkle loved her, how did she not catch it sooner? The goodnight texts every night, the candy bars at lunch, the compliments he gave her at school each day. She was totally clueless, and Farkle was going to be totally heart broken. Riley loved Farkle, she really did. But she wouldn't ever want to hold his hand, let alone kiss him. She loved him in a completely platonic kind of way. Farkle treated her like royalty and here she was calling him annoying. She felt sick to her stomach.

"God, I'm the worst." Riley whined.

"No you aren't, you just didn't see what was right in front of you." Maya tried her best to comfort her best friend but failed miserably.

"Excuse me for being so dumb." Riley pushed Maya away.

"Wait, what?"

"I know you think that I'm childlike and stupid but you've just never said it out loud before."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Maya stood up from the table.

"You always make fun of me for how I talk to boys. I'm sorry but we all can't slut it up like Maya Hart." Riley instantly regretted the words from her mouth but she couldn't back down now.

"Right." Maya said calmly and walked away.

How could Riley call her that? She _knew_ that Maya had some problems in the past, she had heard terrible names from almost everyone in school, but hearing it from Riley crushed her. 2 years ago, when Maya was a freshman, she had a boyfriend who wasn't the greatest. His name was Ian Walker, a boy a few years older than Maya that was on the varsity soccer team. He made her believe she was the sun and the moon. Up until the moment he released pictures of her to all the boys on the soccer team. It was all just a game to Ian. He did this to so many girls in high school, tricked them into believing he loved them, asked for pictures, and then exposed them. Maya knew she shouldn't have taken the pictures. As soon as he asked she knew it wouldn't end up good. But he guilted her. When that didn't work, he threatened her. The pictures were sent and her life had never been the same. Word traveled fast about Maya and Ian, and she still has the word WHORE carved into her locker just above the number, it had faded a lot but it still stung a little every time she opened it. Riley, Farkle, and Lucas were the only people that stood by her through the hell she went through. How could Riley say that to her?

Maya's train of thought was interrupted by a tap of her shoulder.

"You okay?" It was Josh.

"Fine."

"Maya you're crying."

 _What? I'm crying?_

Maya reached her hand up to her face and wiped away a tear.

"It's nothing. What are you even doing here?" Maya asked embarrassed that anyone, especially Josh, had seen her cry.

"I just saw you sitting over here and thought I would say hello." Josh lied.

He had been looking for Maya ever since they announced the lock down. He couldn't stop thinking about her after she kept looking at him in art class. Actually, he hadn't stopped thinking about her for over a year but regardless, he just needed to find her.

"Hello. Goodbye." Maya did not want someone by her side right now.

"Maya, you have to stop pushing me away."

"Actually, I can do what I want."

"I will leave you alone, on one condition…" Josh smirked. Even when he was mid-rejection he still remained flirty.

Maya didn't say a word just rolled her eyes.

"Tell me why you broke up with me." Josh stated firmly, suddenly very serious.

"Josh, I really can't do this right now." Maya said standing up from the bookcase she was hiding behind.

But before Maya could leave Josh stood up, grabbed her hand and turned her around. Their eyes met and Maya's heart did a flip. She remembered this feeling. She had this feeling every time Josh would kiss her, every time Josh sent her a text message, every time she heard a song that reminded her of Josh. Once Maya googled what that feeling was called, it's called a frisson. _Frisson: A sudden strong feeling of excitement and fear; a thrill._ She and Josh just had a frisson and they both knew it.

"Maya, wait." Josh pulled Maya closer.

Maya was just mere inches from Josh and he was still holding her hand tightly.

"I'm sorry." Maya whispered. She didn't need to speak any louder, their lips were so close.

"For what?"

"Everything." Maya meant to say more, she meant to say she was sorry that she was a sad, moody, teenager with commitment issues and fear of getting to close to boys ever since Ian. But she couldn't say more, she was kissing Josh.

Riley sat at the table with her head buried in her jacket she was using as a pillow. What was she thinking? She did NOT mean what she said about Maya. Maya was not a slut. No girl should ever be called a slut, yet here she was calling her own best friend that awful 4 letter word. Maya's life was awful after what Ian did to her. She was so young and he completely took advantage of it.

She felt like she was going to puke. First, she had been treating Farkle awfully for months. And second, she had just watched Maya, the girl who needed her most in the world, walk away without even glancing back. How the hell was she going to dig herself out of this one? She usually went to Maya for her problems but that clearly wasn't going to work this time. Riley pulled out her phone and opened the Google app

 _What to do when you called your best friend a slut?_

She clicked the first article she could find and started reading.

 _If you called your best friend a slut, are you really her best friend?_

"Great." Riley mumbled to herself.

"This sucks." Lucas complained to Farkle.

They were in Mr. Matthew's History class, Riley's dad. They had been in lockdown for almost 2 hours now, it was 3:30 and the storm wasn't stopping anytime soon.

"I mean it's not that bad. We can all just hang out another night." Farkle said.

"No, tonight was going to be special. This is my first date with Riley since 6th grade."

"Date?" Farkle's heart sunk.

"Yeah… didn't Maya tell you that tonight was a double date? You and maya, me and Riley." Lucas explained.

Maya had specifically _not_ told Farkle. She didn't want to make him feel bad… she wanted him to believe they were all just hanging out like normal.

"No. But you're taking Riley?"

"Yeah… well, I was. If this storm would just clear up."

"Where did you decide we're going?" Farkle's voice was faint.

"Applebee's!" Lucas said proudly.

"She hates Applebee's, we aren't going there."

"Well, I'm paying." Lucas defended himself.

"But- it's Riley. She loves Chili's, take her there instead."

"It's just a date, she won't be mad if we go to Applebee's."

"She won't be happy either. You are taking out the most amazing girl I've ever met, go the extra mile." Farkle could hear himself choking up.

"Okay chill, Farkle." Lucas couldn't help but get defensive.

"No, I won't _chill._ Riley deserves everything good in this world. The least you could do is take her somewhere she actually likes," Farkle started ranting and couldn't stop. "If I was you, I wouldn't take advantage of even a second. But I'm not you. You're the one who gets the girl. So treat her right, spoil her rotten. And I don't even mean presents, just let her know how lucky you are. How lucky you are to be caught in the phenomenon that is Riley Matthews." Farkle got up from his desk by Lucas and sat in a new desk up front.

Lucas sat in shock. Farkle really liked Riley that much? He always thought it was just a silly crush that he joked about every so often. Maybe Farkle was right, did Lucas even deserve to be with Riley?

Farkle's face was bright red, he had never stood up for himself like that before. He didn't know what came over him, but it felt right. He was 100% serious about everything he said about Riley.

"Josh, I can't do this." Maya pulled away from the kiss.

"Why? What's going on?"

"I can't be with you, okay!" Maya said in almost a shout.

She walked away strongly without giving it a second thought. She couldn't allow herself to get so close to someone. People aren't homes. If you make people into homes you always end up homeless. Maya learned that the hard way. Riley was her only home and that house just burned down.

Maya kept walking until she was clear at the other end of the library. She sat herself down behind another tall bookcase and rested her head against the wooden shelves. That's when she saw 2 initials carved into the side of the lowest shelf. MH + JM

 _They were sophomores at the time. Josh had just moved into the city and Maya was one of the few people he knew at the school._

" _Can I sit by you?" Josh asked, smiling down at Maya who was sitting down reading._

" _Yeah, sure!" Maya scooted over as Josh sat down next to her._

" _What are you reading?" he asked._

" _The Catcher in The Rye. You ever read it?"_

 _Josh laughed, he was never much of a reader, "Nah, I'll just watch the movie."_

 _Maya shyly smiled back at his joke. She loved Josh's sense of humor, she had ever since she first met him in eighth grade._

" _What are you laughing at?" Josh asked._

" _You. You always act so tough, an urban rebel, and yet you've never done anything slightly out of line. It's just funny to me."_

 _It was true. Josh definitely looked the part of a bad boy, but his behavior never did. He was respectful to teachers, always on time for curfew, etc._

" _Ouch! That is so not true!" Josh put his hand on his heart, acting fake offended._

" _You've never done anything!" Maya laughed._

" _Oh yeah?" Josh smirked, "Watch this."_

 _He dug around in his backpack until he found a pencil. His bag was so messy it took him over 30 seconds. After picking it up, he turned to face the bookshelf. Maya did the same, curious to see how close he would come towards vandalism before backing out. But he didn't stop, he didn't know why, but he knew he really wanted to impress Maya. He slowly and carefully carved Maya's initials right before carving his own, with a plus sign in between._

" _Impressive." Maya smiled._

" _I know, I can get pretty crazy sometimes." Josh joked._

 _They quietly laughed until they both looked up at each other and made eye contact. And there it was, the thrill, the frisson. The first time Maya knew that this boy was going to make her world come crumbling down._

Riley glanced at the clock on the wall, 4:56. Over an hour had passed since Maya had walked away, but the awful feeling in her gut hadn't gone away. In fact, it had gotten worse. She didn't know if she should go find Maya and tell her how sorry she was, or if she should just give Maya her space. That was the hardest part about loving Maya. You never knew when to reach out and show even more love or when to back off and give her some alone time. Riley usually read her wrong and made the situation worse or pushed her away further. Overthinking was Riley's biggest flaw when it came to relationships, but yet she couldn't think of any way to fix things with Maya. She finally decided on texting Farkle, of course he would help.

 **Riley: Hey I need help.**

 **Farkle: ok what's wrong**

 **Riley: I messed things up with Maya… big time.**

 **Farkle: what happened**

 **Riley: I accidentally called her a slut**

 **Farkle: yikes.**

 **Riley: I know. What do I do?**

 **Farkle: idk ask lucas**

 _What?_ Farkle always was there for Riley. Did he finally realize how much of a bitch she was being to him? Was everyone leaving her? Would she have to go through the rest of the school year with no friends? Yep, there was the overthinking.

Farkle knew exactly how Riley should handle the situation with Maya but he was still mad about the whole Lucas and Riley thing. Lucas is the one who got Riley, he can deal with her problems.

"Farkle?" Lucas took a seat by him.

"What?"

"I need your help." Lucas looked embarrassed.

"Let me guess, Riley called Maya a slut and asked you what she should do." Farkle stated.

"Did she text you too?"

"Yeah. I'm the one who told her to text you."

"Why would you do that?" Lucas raised his eyebrow, wasn't Farkle mad at him?

"She likes you. You should be the one to help her."

"How?" Lucas had noooo idea what Riley should do, he was just as clueless as her.

"Well, if it was me in Riley's shoes. I would leave Maya alone until after the lockdown, give her to cool off. Then tonight I would go to her house with her favorite movie, _Titanic_ , don't tell her I told you that. Apologize, explain she didn't mean it. Maya loves Riley more than anything in the world, it will blow over easy." Farkle was right, he knew both girls more than they knew themselves.

"Alright." Lucas thought it over and then went back to his seat in the back of the class.

Riley thought she would puke if she didn't get a text back in the next 30 seconds. She couldn't stand the thought of all her friends turning on her.

 **Lucas: Okay I got the perfect plan.**

 **Riley: Tell me!**

 **Lucas: Wait until after the lockdown, go to her house with her favorite movie, and apologize. I'm sure she will understand, you're Riley and Maya.**

 **Riley: Thanks Lucas (: You're the greatest.**

 _Perfect!_ In all honesty, she could've come up with that exact plan herself, but she was too busy worrying to think logically. She calmed herself down enough that she could actually breathe and looked at the clock again, 5:03. It was going to be a long night.

Josh's mind was all over the place, consumed by thoughts of Maya. Her lips, her art, her laugh, every part of her made him crazy. He began writing to try to put his feelings into words. Within 30 minutes he had accidently wrote a poem.

 _I wonder what would feel more foreign_

 _your name coming from my voice accompanied by loving thoughts_

 _or your lips passionately connecting with mine_

 _my ear against your chest listening to your heart beat_

 _or you listening intently to me talk without direction_

 _lying close on the couch, staring at each other instead of the tv_

 _or our hands clasped together at any possible moment_

 _my hands in your messy hair that I can't help but love_

 _or your gentle fingers roaming my body making me feel wanted_

 _our arms brushing when we walk down the road_

 _or you on top of me, smiling and telling me I'm beautiful_

 _you giving me one last kiss before I go_

 _or pulling me close because you don't want me to leave_

 _I can't even bring myself to say I love you anymore because the truth is_

 _it's all foreign now_

He sloppily wrote _Maya Hart_ as the title and shoved it his bag. Then an odd thought came into his head. Maya would be the story he would tell his children one day. When his son is sick to his stomach about the girl who broke his heart, he would tell his son about the girl he fell in love with one day in the library, the girl who completely changed his life, the girl who his world revolved around. The girl that ended things and he couldn't eat for days and wouldn't go to school for a week in fear he would bump into her. The girl that made it so he couldn't listen to music for weeks because every song reminded him of her. The girl who made it so Josh couldn't sleep on his bed for a month until the sheets stopped smelling like her perfume. The girl he had dreams about once and a while that made it hard to breathe when he woke up. Hopefully, he could tell his son that it gets better, that one day he won't even think about that girl anymore. But as of right now, that girl was all he could think about.

Maya sat in silence and stared out the window at the storm. Still snowing just as hard as it was 3 hours ago. Maya glanced at the clock above the librarian's desk, 6:27. For the first time in a while, Maya missed her mom. She wanted to run all the way home and watch a stupid chick flick as her mom played with her long blonde hair. Maya never wanted to admit it, but she was really grateful for her mom. Especially when she didn't have Riley by her side.

"Maya?" Josh stood above her, he looked like a mess.

"Are you okay?" Maya couldn't help but ask, she never wanted to see him like this.

"No." Josh laughed pathetically at himself.

"Sit down, I want to show you something."

Maya didn't know why she was allowing Josh in. Was it because she was lonely and sad or did she just really want him to kiss her again? She missed the feeling she got all over her body when their lips were pressed together. It was ecstasy, pure bliss.

"Look." Maya pointed to their initials in the bookcase.

"I think that was the moment." Josh said looking down at the carved words.

"The moment for what?"

"The moment I fell in love. God, Maya I'm so in love."

Maya didn't say anything.

Josh tucked a strand of hair behind Maya's ear, "I love the way you make me feel, alive, like I could do anything. I love your smile, how when you're trying not to laugh your teeth peek through your lips. I love your eyes, when they meet mine, how we instantly connect. I love your art, you push me to keep painting. I love the way your nose crinkles when you're laughing at your own joke. I love it when you're telling me about a book you love or the movie you just watched, how it seems like the most important thing in the world to you. I love you. I love you and everything you are."

"Josh…" Maya started.

How could she explain to him that everyone close to Maya gets hurt, or leaves.

"Josh, I think that there are 2 types of people in this world. People who ignite others, and people who burn others. Some people, the ones that ignite, make people better. They inspire others and make the world a happier place. You are one of those people, Riley is one of those people. I am not one of those people. I am the second type, I burn. I only push the ones I love away, make people hurt. I don't inspire anything but pain. I _burn_ people. You need to walk away before I burn you too." Maya said through tears.

This time she didn't wipe away the tears or feel embarrassed that Josh saw her cry.

"Maya, I would let you burn my entire world to the fucking ground if it meant I was a part of your life. I wouldn't regret a second."

"I don't deserve you." Maya said staring straight in Josh's eyes and meant it.

Josh took Maya's chin in his hand and slowly leaned in. Maya didn't resist, she wanted this as badly as he did. Chills shot through Maya's body as their lips met.

"Let's get out of here." Maya whispered in Josh's ear before she slowly kissed his cheek.

"Where?"

"Anywhere." Maya stood up and Josh followed her, he always would.

"Farkle?" Lucas slowly approached him.

"What?"

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, what else can I do we're in lockdown, anyways… you're right."

"I'm always right." Farkle stated and Lucas laughed even though Farkle wasn't kidding.

"I should treat Riley better. She's incredible, I'm lucky. And I'm sorry, I was an idiot for being stubborn about something as stupid as a restaurant." Lucas hated admitting he was wrong, but he had to.

"She is incredible. But so are you, you're my best friend. You guys are gonna be great for eachother. " Farkle said this without an ounce of sarcasm.

He had been doing a lot of thinking too, and he decided Riley deserved Lucas. Lucas was the one Riley wanted, not him. If Riley was happy, he should be too. That's all he ever wanted, for Riley to be happy. He just wished it was him that made her happy.

"Really?" Lucas was expecting a shady Farkle comment like usual, not _that._

"Really. Just please, _please,_ don't forget how amazing Riley is. That's all I'm asking."

"I won't. I promise." Lucas smiled back at Farkle.

Lucas took a seat next to him, and realized how fortunate he was. He got the girl and still managed to keep his best friend.

"How exactly are you planning to get past Mr. Arthur?" Josh asked Maya curiously.

"Easy. Just go wait by the door in the computer lab." This was not Maya's first time manipulating a teacher.

Josh did as he was told and stood by the locked door that led out to the hallway. Maya slung her bag over her shoulder and walked up to Mr. Arthur, the teacher that was on guard for the hour to make sure no teens could leave the room.

"Excuse me, can I go to the bathroom?" Maya asked innocently.

"You all had a bathroom break half an hour ago at 6:30." His answer stricter than Maya hoped, but she planned for the worst.

"But, Mr. Arthur it's an emergency." Maya raised her eyebrows hoping he would get a clue.

"What's wrong?" He was tough.

"Aren't you married? Have daughters?"

"Ohhh, I see." Mr. Arthur suddenly seemed embarrassed.

It was always so funny to Maya how odd men reacted to periods.

"Yeah… so can I go?" Maya tried to squeeze past him.

"Maya, no funny business." He pointed a finger at her trying to look as intimidating as a chubby, balding, middle-age man could.

"Got it." She said walking through the door.

She headed towards the bathroom until Mr. Arthur had turned around. Then she quickly walked the other way to the door Josh was told to wait by.

"Hurry." Maya whispered as she quietly cracked the door open and Josh squeezed through.

"Where are we going now?"

"Ms. Kossal's class. She went home during lunch." Maya explained.

"How are you planning to get in?"

"She always leaves her door unlocked. I go in after school on most days to paint."

They reached Ms. Kossal's class and shut the blinds on the window you could see from the hallway.

"She'd kill us if she knew." Josh already felt guilty even though they hadn't done anything yet.

Maya jumped onto the table behind her and grabbed the strings on Josh's sweatshirt, pulling him in between her legs, "That's why she'll never know."

Josh put his hands on Maya thighs as her hands wrapped around his neck. The kisses started slow, light. But they grew, deeper and more passionate with every second.

"I love you." Josh pulled away from the kiss to tell her that one more time.

"Shhh" Maya cut him off and kissed him harder.

She didn't want to hear that. She just wanted his hands to keep touching her waist.

"Wait." Josh pulled away harder.

"What's wrong?"

"Don't you love me too?" Josh's words were rushed, he sounded out of breath.

"That doesn't matter." Maya pressed her lips to his neck, leaving slow kisses.

"Yes it does." Josh backed away, "It does matter. Don't you love me too?"

"I don't know." Maya looked down.

She didn't know what to tell him. Did she _love_ Josh? Love was such a complex word. Love meant commitment, love meant letting people in.

"I'm sorry, But I can't do this anymore." Josh walked out of the classroom.

Maya quickly walked out after him but his legs were much longer than her's and he traveled fast. Maya ran down the stairs to catch up, "Josh! Wait!"

"Excuse me, Mr. Matthews where do you think you're going?" Mr. Rivera said as Josh walked towards him.

He was the guard for this hallway's doors that led outside.

"Home." Josh pushed him to the ground.

Mr. Rivera was a small man, much weaker than Josh, especially when he was mad.

"Josh! Stop that! What are you doing?" Maya was yelling at this point.

Josh pushed the doors and walked into the raging storm to find his car. Maya followed him out and instantly wished she had picked up her jacket she left in Ms. Kossal's classroom.

"Leave it alone, Maya." He called back.

Then he disappeared. The snow was too thick and there was no hope of finding him tonight, she would have to wait until the morning. Maya ran back into the school to help Mr. Rivera.

"Are you okay?" she asked sincerely.

"Where did he go?" Mr. Rivera began to walk outside but Maya stopped him.

"It's no use. He's gone, I think I heard his car pull out of the parking lot." Maya could feel her eyes sting, she got that before she was about to cry.

"Come with me. Who let you out of your class?" Mr. Rivera harshly took Maya's hand as she told him she snuck out and led her upstairs to the library

She didn't want to tell him that it was . She didn't want to burn anymore people tonight.

Maya sat quietly at a table while the teachers discussed what they should do about the student that got out, and the student who made it happen. Maya quietly got up, hoping they wouldn't notice, she needed to talk to Riley.

"Riles?" Maya's voice was fant, she almost didn't sound like herself.

"Maya!" Riley stood up and quickly hugged her best friend.

This wasn't part of Riley's plan but it didn't matter because Maya reached out first, that rarely happened.

"I'm so sorry, Maya. You have no idea. I can't even believe I said that."

"It's okay. We all say things we can't take back." Maya was talking about how stupid she was for saying "I don't know." in Josh's face.

"Well I think the storm is clearing up." Riley tried to lighten the mood and point out the window.

"I hope so. Josh is out there."

"What?!" Riley ran to the window.

"You won't see him." Maya followed her, "he drove away about 10 minutes ago."

"Why?" Riley had so many questions.

"It's a long story. Look, I have to get back before the teachers notice I'm gone."

"Are we okay?"

"We're good, We're Riley and Maya." Maya smiled a little bit even though she felt so empty inside.

"I love you." Riley said and the words stung Maya as she went back to the table she was sitting at.

She ruined everything the last time she heard those words.

It was almost 8:30 before the storm cleared up enough for the student's to be given permission to leave. The teachers settled on giving Maya 2 weeks detention for sneaking out and 4 weeks for Josh. Maya tried to call Josh as soon as she got home, but he didn't answer. She decided would just have to find him tomorrow at school. He could ignore her calls but he couldn't ignore her if she was right in front of him.

Maya went to bed early that night. The sooner she went to sleep, the sooner she could see Josh and fix everything.

"7:00!" Maya opened the door to the Matthew's family apartment like every morning.

But no one was sitting at the table eating breakfast. _Okay?_

"Hello?" Maya called through the house.

This was weird. The Matthew's always functioned the same. What was she missing?

"Maya?" It was Riley, she sounded like she'd been crying.

Maya ran to Riley's room.

"What's going on?" Maya asked.

"I've been trying to call you since last night."

"My phone's been dead. What's going on?" Maya repeated with more urgency.

Riley stood up from her bed, "Josh got in a car accident last night. He died."

Maya's knees felt weak. Her heart felt heavy. _No. This can't be real. This is a dream._

"He didn't hurt anyone else. He was driving home but his car slipped on ice, he tried to steady the car but it flipped." Riley tried her hardest to remain calm as she described her uncle's death.

 _That isn't true. Josh is getting ready for school right now. I'm going to fix everything today. He can't be dead._

Maya couldn't cry, she couldn't speak, she almost couldn't breathe.

"Maya, please say something."

"I'm so sorry, Riley. It's all my fault. Josh is dead and it's my fault."

"How can you say that? It's not your fault."

"I'm the reason he left last night. I'm the one who snuck us out. I'm the one who burned him. I burn people." Maya ran out of Riley's room and ran all the way home.

Maya's lungs felt like they were on fire. She had never run so fast or so long in her life. The pain didn't bother her. It took a her mind off the fact that she was the reason someone had died. Maya sat on her bed and saw something sticking out of the corner of her bag. She got up and as she got closer she realized it was a piece of notebook paper. Carefully, she took the paper and unfolded it. It was a poem, titled Maya Hart. She read it 4 times.

 _I wonder what would feel more foreign_

 _your name coming from my voice accompanied by loving thoughts_

 _or your lips passionately connecting with mine_

 _my ear against your chest listening to your heart beat_

 _or you listening intently to me talk without direction_

 _lying close on the couch, staring at each other instead of the tv_

 _or our hands clasped together at any possible moment_

 _my hands in your messy hair that I can't help but love_

 _or your gentle fingers roaming my body making me feel wanted_

 _our arms brushing when we walk down the road_

 _or you on top of me, smiling and telling me I'm beautiful_

 _you giving me one last kiss before I go_

 _or pulling me close because you don't want me to leave_

 _I can't even bring myself to say I love you anymore because the truth is_

 _it's all foreign now_

"I love you." Maya cried, hoping somehow, wherever he was, Josh would hear her.

THE END


End file.
